A coaching session today made me think about the past:
I was still in Romania in 1998, when I sent my children to visit their father in States during the summer holidays. We were already divorced.
What happened after? He didn’t allow them to come back to me, in Romania! He threatened me when I asked to let the children decide if they want to come back; then, he moved with them to another address, and I couldn’t connect with my children for three months …
Five years went by, until I was able to see them again: they were waiting for me at the Toronto airport when I immigrated to Canada in 2003.
Now we are at 4 hours driving distance. My son is happily married, they have a cute baby, great job and a house in a very good neighbourhood. My daughter is married too; she quit the corporate world to have her own Real Estate investment business. She’s busy… and happy too!
Was it a good decision to let them go in 1998, and not force their father to send them back through a process or asking the Red Cross help?!
During those five years, I heard many people saying: “What kind of mother are you, since you are in Romania and your children in States?” When they found out that was their father decision to not let them come back, and that I was spending 1/3 of my salary for one hour call with them each month, they quickly changed their mind: “What a powerful woman are you, to be able to handle such situation!”
See, it is so easy to judge someone else. And many people do, without having all the details.
What do YOU need to let judgement aside? And be open to accept the people and situations without judgement?
PS: What helped during those five years was the thought that I have to be strong, and I will see them… some day! I strongly believed that I have a subtle connection with my children, and if I give up or cry all the time… they will be able to feel that, and will be unhappy too.